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Here I am again not knowing what to do with myself. It's late at night and I should be sleeping. I guess I should be thankful that I have gone this long without one of "these" nights. I can't even describe it. I just feel bored and lonely and depressed for no reason.
I have come to the conclusion that I am far too mistrusting, if that's possible. I guess it's probably good to be a little skeptical. I think I have been so scarred in the past by a number of events that I just cannot trust anyone. Guys or girls. It makes me feel lonely really. And I cannot convince myself that a guy would be truely and innocently interested in me without some bad intensions. And that's sad. I live assuming that every guy is out for one thing and I can't change the way I feel. This is probably unfair to that rare guy out there who is genuine. And it's unfair to myself to think that I'm not capable to attracting a guy who really cares about me.
I'm gonna leave it at that. I need sleep.

So one week from tomorrow I will be back in Fulton for the year. I'm excited, but also kind of sad. I'm going to miss my parents and my friends here in STL.
But I'm SO excited for a new year! A new start :) I'm excited for cheerleading and rush and I'm excited for mentoring. I'll have all these little mentees to love! haha. I'm also a little tiny bit excited about the school part. I decided this year was going to be the start of a new studious Hayley. My grades are good, but I know I'm capable of so much more.
And single-hood will be awesome :)

Wow, July has really come and gone. It's almost over. FINALLY! It's almost back-to-school! I'm excited to just hang out with my WestMo friends, get going on becoming an awesome student (haha), working with the cheer squad, and most of all starting on my life as a single college girl. I haven't had that since.....the very beginning of my freshman year. I just hope I can do it. I hope I don't fall into old habits and old relationships. If I really want true happiness, I need to move on. I have to deal with the frustration of uncertainty for now. It's hard not to fall back into old ways when you've got nothing ahead of you to hold on to yet. Obviously we can't see the future.
Goodnight :)

So today started out great. I hung out with the family, went to church, went to lunch....I was all motivated to do something productive afterwards. I decided to totally clean out my room. So I did. I rearranged, threw so much crap away, dusted, etc. I also decided to redo my bulletin boards and take down some old pictures frames. That's about the point my mood turned around. I guess all of the old pictures turned me depressed. I found "Good Luck at State" cards and "Happy Sweet 16" cards. I looked through pictures of High School friends and cheerleading and boyfriends long gone. Now I am bummed out. Don't get me wrong, I love my life right now. It just makes me feel like I'm getting older and I wonder where all the time went. And the thought of going to work tomorrow really doesn't help the mood. Someone get me out of this slump!
You may not believe me because of all the depressing blogs, but I have been having a completely awesome summer. It's just that the few times I am upset, I feel like I need to write it all out an then I feel better. But summer has been so relaxing and care-free. I needed it.
Anyways, if you have any suggestions to cheer myself up, let me know.

So today was pretty exhausting. I worked all day on very little sleep, and then I cleaned around the house, and then I met with Vic Porceli (the STL DJ) at Starbucks to make a cheer mix or 2. We were there THREE HOURS working on this thing. And it still needs some work. There are a few clips to add and 1 or 2 to take out and some endings to make...but we got the basic part! I'll try to put them on here for my cheerleaders to listen to. Now I'm going to watch a movie and then bed time. I get to sleep in 'til 7:30 tomorrow, haha.

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- Name: Hayley
- Birthday: 2/26/1987
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 10/19/2006

I try to be nice to everyone. I believe that bitchy people just have a sad story of what made them that way. I don't like confrontation but if somethings bothering me, I'll let you know. I love sunshine more than anyone should. I believe in God and I believe there is a reason for eveything. I like to surround myself with motivated people. I am a very loyal friend and I expect the same from my friends. I love my sorority, KKG. I'm a gymnast turned cheerleader. I'm very cautious and slow to trust, especially with guys. I do not believe in love at first sight. I hate the color orange unless it is paired with pink. I have an obsession with anything Coach. I want to be a physical therapist and work with athletes. Cheesecake is my weakness. I have a very competitve nature. I get feisty when I drink. I love piano players. I can be bossy sometimes. I am the worst speller you will ever meet. I am not a very jealous person. I like a deep conversation every now and then. I love pictures and I tak

HayleyMJ226 has no pulse!...

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